Review: Muffins.exe (Creepypasta)

A gameplay screenshot of Muffins.exe

Edit (3/21/15): Someone in the comments section said this has a virus in it? I don't care enough to fact-check, so I'm commenting out the link to the download. Feel free to correct if he's wrong. -Red

 Today I was sitting around, expecting a creepypasta to show up in our email inbox as they usually do during this time of year, and what do you know? Some "Anonymous" person submits this game titled muffins.exe, created in GameMaker Lite and featuring a gratuitous amount of screamers (thus rendering it very NSFW).

 If you intend on playing this, I'd advise that you do so before reading below the break, as the review contains spoilers.

 Upon opening muffins.exe I was presented with options to quit (obviously for the cowards among us), start a new game or see "extras". The latter was blanked out, so I have no idea what it does, and thus I proceeded to play it with my volume lowered somewhat and without headphones. I also ran the game via windowed mode in Wine, just to ensure that my screen wouldn't get stuck on some gory Derpy picture run through a red filter.

 The player, as Roseluck, is tasked with finding Derpy's muffins and returning them to her. As is to be expected from games of this genre, the graphical style is purposefully tacky and the physics feel rather awkward. After doing this, Derpy  says that she has to tell her something very important, and then disappears for several days. Figures. You then go looking for her in the field, and surprise surprise, everything gets all red and screwed up in a completely original manner that I've never seen in a game ever before.

Wow, I never expected this.
 As Roseluck plods on through the madness, she is repeatedly subjected to jumpscares and the nasty sight of body parts lying on the floor. After a while you'd expect her to get annoyed and start demanding that Derpy stop messing around and just kill her already, but nooo. She is one of those silent types, and even if she did say anything Derpy probably wouldn't listen, because antagonists in creepypastas aren't known for complying with their victim's wishes because they are evil and stuff. Rawr.

 So why did Derpy suddenly decide to turn on her best childhood friend, as the game describes her? Perhaps she is fed up with Roseluck's slow, silent ways, and sold her soul to that shifty-eyed janitor in exchange for reality-warping powers. Then again, Roseluck could just be on a bad trip or something; I wouldn't put it beneath her to cheap out on the LSD and purchase a bad batch. I'm not entirely sure, since I'm pretty sure that I ended up with an early ending by falling on some spikes like a pleb.

 So did I like muffins.exe? The constant jumpscares got a bit ridiculous after a while, but if you like that sort of thing than maybe you'll find Muffins.exe to be a fitting diversion for this night.

Hope you all enjoy the evening! I'll be sitting around, listening to Glenn Miller and watching cartoons to calm my paranoia.
- Tuxxy

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